


How To Live Without You

by LockTheDragon



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: After all of the seasons, Finally getting together, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, M/M, Stiles is a Sexy Librarian Damnit, warning: panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 20:48:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4451837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LockTheDragon/pseuds/LockTheDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles is trying to live his life after Derek leaves and it doesn't seem to be working out how he thought it would. Years later, will that all change?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Live Without You

**Author's Note:**

> I got an idea for this after a prompt on tumblr about Stiles going to the loft and talking even though Derek's gone and some day Derek comes back. This plus a picture of Dylan O'Brien in a leather jacket made this story happen. I DO NOT give permission for anyone to repost this on another site.

It all started out in the mall. Stiles still felt like he must have been sucked into an alternate reality where he lived in a music video about teenage angst for 10 minutes for it to happen. It being that he was walking through the mall while searching for Christmas presents and, out of the corner of his eye, saw a leather jacket. Instinct had instantly said ‘DEREK’ and so Stiles had stumbled to a stop and whipped his head around. Of course, there was no Derek. The brooding older man had been gone for over two years now but the leather jacket did look extremely similar to the one he’d worn. This one was brown though and Stiles found himself actually really liking it but feeling stupid about it at the same time. 

He tried to walk away because it was stupid to buy a jacket just because it reminded him of Derek but as soon as he got a few stores down near where the jolly Santa was calling out ‘Merry Christmas’ he turned back around and ended up buying the jacket. His cheeks were bright red in embarrassment and shame but, like he’d thought, it did look good on him. Now he just had to hope no one else from the pack called him on the fact that it looked exactly like a certain Sourwolf’s. 

In the end, no one thankfully had called him on it. That didn’t stop Lydia from raising her eyebrow at it when he’d put it on the coat hanger for Christmas dinner but, for the time being, she wasn’t saying anything. And Scott, bless him, seemed to just accept it and move on though him out of all of them would know what the jacket might mean to Stiles. His secretly not so secret feelings about Derek. Christmas dinner went off without a hitch. After high school had ended and they’d found a witch coven AND tricked the Queen of the Fae to bless and bespell the Nematon so it’d calm its evil aura business that kept calling bad creatures into town everything had finally eased up. Things still happened occasionally, such as the vampire coming through town looking for Peter for revenge over Peter stealing millions of dollars from them and killing one of their own, or the time that Liam was almost eaten by an incubus (que the coming out as bisexual part). 

But all of that was once every few months instead of once every week. This had meant that many of the pack could leave for college if they wanted to. Kira had left to travel to Japan for a while to find out more about her kitsune abilities, Scott had left to the Veterinarian school an hour and a half away, Lydia had gone to MIT taking Parrish with her but they’d be back when she graduated early, Liam and Mason were enjoying sophomore year, and Malia had decided to go to the community college. Everyone had everything pretty much set out for them, all except Stiles. He’d gotten offers to a lot of great colleges because of his grades but he’d hated the thought of leaving his dad or leaving Beacon Hills just in case something happened. Even after everything had calmed down he still had nightmares, still had flashbacks, and he kept feeling like there was no way good times could last so long. 

In the end, Lydia had forced the decision upon him. Like the strawberry goddess she was, she’d made sure he’d gotten into Stanford and told him in no uncertain terms that he was going to graduate or she’d scream. Full blown banshee scream. Stiles pouted about it but he knew when he was beaten. Of course, it came as a huge but pleasant surprise when he found out she’d made sure he signed up for the online degree courses. He could stay home. As thanks he’d let her drag him shopping and he bought her whatever she wanted. Parrish later thanked him for doing that so he wouldn’t have to for once. 

So, everything was going mostly well. Everyone was enjoying their lives, there weren’t any pressing supernatural problems, the whole pack was together for Christmas, and the sheriff and Ms. McCall finally decided they were moving in together. Scott and Stiles just grinned and high fived it out because this meant they were even closer to being actual brothers. 

That night, after everyone was asleep around Stiles’ dad’s house, Stiles snuck out and went to Derek’s apartment on autopilot. He knew no one would be there but he couldn’t help himself. He needed to tell someone else about how everyone was and the good news and he knew he’d have told Derek if he was there. The apartment building was still there and somehow there was no damage to it. Everything was exactly as Derek had left it when he’d decided to leave with Braeden. It made something inside Stiles unclench. There was still a part of Derek here and it made him feel content more than he’d had in a while. So he’d just started talking at length to the empty apartment about everyone’s lives now. 

Lying out across the couch he told the Derek that should have been there about all the things he’d missed. He didn’t stop talking until almost 5 am when his voice finally got a bit too hoarse to talk. He felt so much calmer now, as he pulled on the leather jacket and looked around the apartment one more time. Stiles decided right then and there that he’d have to do this more often. 

And so it went. Every time Stiles needed to talk something out, or he needed to relax, he’d go to Derek’s apartment and fall on the couch and just talk. Sometimes he’d even take his laptop and school things with him and just do homework there. It was the only place he felt most at home. He didn’t even feel at home at his own apartment. After Christmas Stiles had decided it would be a good idea to move out so Melissa and his dad could have their coupley time together without him being underfoot. Both had claimed he didn’t have to but, really, he felt it was time to move out anyway considering he had a job at the library and was in college. He’d found a cheap apartment not far from work but it was just a place where he kept all of his stuff. Stiles couldn’t even say that he slept there much because it wasn’t unusual that he’d end up passed out on the couch at Derek’s. 

In fact it became such a thing he did that, if he wasn’t answering his phone, everyone knew to come looking for him there. No one ever said anything about it but they kept giving him looks. Looks that said “why are you doing this to yourself?” and “why aren’t you moving on?” But at least they all respected him enough to not want to mess it up because they could tell he was doing better. Not as stressed or depressed as he had been. This continued on throughout the rest of the school year and suddenly it was summer and everyone was back home again for a couple of months. Scott and Kira were spending a bunch of time together but Scott also seemed to be making an effort to spend time with everyone from the pack at least once a week. He offered to hang out with Stiles at Derek’s apartment once but Stiles had quickly changed that one to them going to his own apartment and playing video games and eating pizza. Stiles didn’t want to share Derek’s apartment with anyone else. It was a stupid feeling because Derek was gone and wouldn’t care but Stiles just didn’t feel comfortable letting other people in there. 

Summer flew by with the pack having fun, even taking a trip to the beach for a week. Scott proposed to Kira. Lydia admitted that she finally met another banshee, this time one that was good, and Melissa moved into the sheriff’s house. 

About mid-way through July Malia excitedly let them meet her new girlfriend from the community college Jaci who turned out to be a mateguas, a Native American rabbit shifter. Finding a new type of supernatural creature, one that didn’t want to kill them this time, had been pretty great and her and Malia were an adorable couple. But now, and Stiles hated himself for thinking about it, everyone was paired off except for him. And then a thought from that dark side in his heart that he still fought every day whispered that he didn’t deserve love anyway. That he never would. 

After a long day of spending time with the pack and getting to know Jaci, who was so hilarious with her sarcasm that she was probably going to end up a favorite of Stiles, he left and headed straight for Derek’s loft. He needed to be in the one place that could make him feel better and try to push through this. His pack did not need to smell him like this. He even grabbed his leather jacket from the jeep hoping that wearing it might make him feel better considering who it reminded him off. So he pushed through the door and just started talking as he shoved the door back in place before throwing himself over the back of the couch to land on it with his hands over his eyes, trying to hold in the swell of panic he can feel inside his chest. 

“Malia having a girlfriend is great and Jaci seems awesome and she’s already a supernatural so we don’t have to worry about Malia trying to tell her and they both seem happy and everyone is happy but I don’t fucking have anyone to be happy with and what’s going to happen in a couple years and everyone is married? I’m going to be alone still because no one wants me and I can’t even blame them because who would want someone like me who’s broken and has fucking killed people and I’m going insane because I’m spending all of my time in a place that’s been empty for years after Derek left but I feel safe and comfortable here which is probably so fucked up. Dad’s going to be married to Scott’s mom soon, Scott’s going to be married soon, Lydia and Parrish are probably not going to get married until Lydia’s won the Fields Award but it’s probably still going to happen, Malia and Jaci are so cute they hurt my teeth and Liam and Mason are still too young to even think about it and I’m just always on the outside with no one and nothing to my name and I don’t know what to do and it’s driving me crazy. I’ve fucking killed people and not just when I was possessed by the nogitsune and that makes me a murderer and I don’t even feel bad about those deaths because I was doing it to protect myself or my pack and the pack will always come first and that makes me even more insane because holy shit I sound like Peter and I don’t even…” 

The longer he ranted the harder it was to breath and Stiles realized that he was now definitely in the middle of a panic attack where breathing in didn’t work and his heart was racing hard enough it hurt. He could feel wetness on his cheeks but the tears were nothing to him as he kept trying to breath in but it felt like there was a stopper plugging his lungs so nothing could get in and his thoughts kept spinning and spinning about how he was evil and how he deserved this and everything was fading darker and darker until suddenly he was being jerked upright and pulled against something hard. Faintly he could hear something but it was like hearing through water. You heard sounds but nothing made sense and he tried to listen harder but he still couldn’t breathe and nothing was working. But then the fog started to clear as the voice kept talking and he could feel someone rubbing their hand up and down his back and suddenly the voice made sense. 

“Come on Stiles. Please. Match my breathing. Come on. You have to or you’re going to end up passing out. Please, Stiles. Please breathe.” Whoever was talking was speaking softly and Stiles could still feel his heart slamming into his cheat but he gritted his teeth and tried to force himself to match their breathing like they’d begged him to. It took what felt like years but finally his breathing mostly matched the others though it was still a bit ragged. At least his heart didn’t feel like it was going to beat out of his ribs again. He leaned his head against the hard thing he’d been pulled against earlier and tried to relax as the voice kept talking. “That’s it. You’re doing better now. Just keep breathing. We’re good. You’re safe. I’ve got you.” 

With his thoughts so scattered from the panic attack it took him a lot more time than it should have for him to notice that he actually knew that voice. But once he did Stiles jerked back and blinked teary eyes as he stared into the green eyes of Derek Hale. His mouth dropped open and he just stared blankly for a moment while a part of his brain tried to catalog what was happening. There was a hand rubbing his back and an arm wrapped around his waist holding him in Derek’s lap. Oh. Derek’s lap. Stiles suddenly jerked away and up, backing away from Derek. 

“What? What’s going on? You can’t be here. You were gone for TWO YEARS. You left with Braeden and were never supposed to come back to this hell hole. I don’t… what?” 

Derek just watched him and his flailing arms as Stiles used him to gesture around. “I did leave. I needed time away to take care of some things. But I’m back.” The wolf just crossed his arms and leaned back into the couch. 

“But why are you back? You left for good reason! I mean we’re better now than we were but you deserve better than here!” Stiles couldn’t understand how Derek just wasn’t understanding what he was getting at. The older man should have stayed gone where he was safe and where he wouldn’t be surrounded by nightmares anymore. He leaned against the table in front of the window and gave Derek the most ‘what the ever fuck’ look he could muster though it probably wasn’t as good as usual considering he was still blotchy red and had tear tracks down his face that were turning sticky. 

Derek shrugged before levering himself upright and walked toward Stiles. Before Stiles could move away from his spot, suddenly he had arms pressed into the desk on either side of him with Derek blocking him in. “I did have to leave. I needed the time away. But I came back because I left something pretty important to me here and I don’t plan to leave without it ever again.” 

Stiles, who had been trying to move around to get Derek to back away because being trapped against a table by the man he’d been in love with for the past 4 years was not really a solid plan, froze in confusion at that. “You left something? What did you leave here? There’s nothing in this apartment that you didn’t take. Unless you mean the couch. I mean, it’s comfy as hell but you lived without it for two years so I don’t think it could be that important because you have enough money to buy another one anyway. Is it something in the vault? Is it something we need to be worrying about?” 

The dark look Stiles half expected from Derek because of the rambling never happened. In fact, the look was a softer look that Stiles couldn’t read at all and he’d thought he knew every micro expression on Derek’s face. Derek had 20 different frowns and each one meant something different and Stiles would have previously claimed he was fluent in Hale Eyebrows but he was wrong. 

Derek leaned in closer and made sure their eyes were locked and answered. “No, it wasn’t the couch. Or anything in the vault. Stiles, I left you. You’re the important thing.” 

It took a few seconds for that to make sense and for Stiles to reboot his brain before he was suddenly shoving hard against Derek’s chest. Derek must not have been expecting it and actually ended up being pushed away far enough for Stiles to run away to the other side of the room, hands held up in the universal ‘stop’ movement. “No. No you can’t mean that. And this can’t be you. You’ve got to be an incubus. Look, if you’re an incubus I know how to kill you. Just go away and you won’t have the entire pack coming after you.” 

The older male rolled his eyes and walked toward Stiles but stopped when Stiles backed up as well. “Look, I’m not an incubus. I’m really here and I really came back for you because after I left and went through therapy and spent time with Cora and basically just getting my life back on track I realized I was missing something. And that something was a loudmouth, smartass teenager who could talk circles around me but could also make me feel safe. The one person I know I could trust with not only my life but the life of what little family I have left. A genius who refused to act scared of anything, even when he knew he could die. All of that is you.” 

Stiles felt his lip tremble. This was way too good to be true. It was everything he wanted to hear which meant it had to be an incubus. The only problem was that the story was so good Stiles was almost willing to give in, just to have Derek for a little while. “The real Derek wouldn’t say all of that to me. I mean, we were friends when he left but I know he still saw me as a huge annoyance most of the time. Just, please. Go away.” 

“I can prove I’m Derek, Stiles. Then you’ll believe me.” Derek had slowly inched his way closer and, thankfully, Stiles didn’t back up in response this time. “I know you’re terrified of needles. You passed out when Scott got a tattoo and did it again when I had to burn the tattoo into his arm for it to stay. When we were both hit by the kanima and Matt was gloating he said we “make a pretty good pair” and you made a joke about being an abominable snowman. You taught me the trick about dreams giving you extra fingers and that’s how you could tell what was going on. When I was taken to Mexico you saved me and protected me even though I had no idea who you were, just that you smelled safe and like family. When I was about to die you didn’t want to leave and they almost had to pull you away from me. Do I need to continue?” 

Stiles shook his head, mouth gaping open again. All of that meant that this was the real Derek. An incubus could find out some information but all of that was specifically between just the two of them. This was the real Derek. And he said that Stiles was important to him. 

When Stiles continued to just stare at him in shock Derek let out an amused huff and moved until they were right in front of each other. Taking his time he raised his arms until he could set them on Stiles’ waist. “You are the most important person to me, Stiles. And I’ve missed not having you around to bug me.” Green eyes slid down to note the brown leather jacket. “And it looks like you missed me too. I can smell that you’ve been staying here a lot. Will you let me stay?” 

“Yes! Of course. God, Derek. This is your home. I’d never kick you out. I can move my stuff out so you can move back in. I mean, if you’re moving back? I still don’t understand…” It was moving a bit fast for him and Stiles’ mind was spinning in all kinds of directions to where he couldn’t focus on just one. 

Derek just raised his eyebrow. “The only way I’m leaving this time is with you. So yes, I’m moving back. And you don’t have to move your stuff out. I was asking if you’d want to stay here. With me.” And with that, because he’d done too much talking already which was stretching him out even if he’d gotten a lot better at communicating after seeing someone about all of his issues, he leaned his head in and kissed the other boy. 

The words had already thrown Stiles for a loop and with the kiss his brain just gave up and went offline. It only took a split second before he was kissing back, finally accepting that this was real, that Derek liked him back enough that he came back to Beacon Hills, and that he wanted them to live together. Everything was suddenly a million times better and he never wanted it to end. His arms slid up to wrap around Derek’s neck and he held on as he broke the kiss long enough to say “You’ll never get rid of me” before he dove back into the kiss. 

The werewolf just hummed into the kiss in agreement and shifted to pick up Stiles, using the hands that had been on his waist, and carried him to the couch where Derek sat down with Stiles astride his legs so they could continue kissing until they had to stop to breathe. Even then they didn’t move, just stayed close together while Derek peppered kisses down the long neck he’d been dreaming about marking up for far too long. Stiles tilted his head to give him more room and mumbled into the ear that was in front of him because his head was on Derek’s shoulder. “Thank you for coming back. I did miss you.” 

After a quick bite that left Stiles groaning softly at the slightly sting Derek twisted his head enough so they could look at each other. “I’ll always come back to you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to laugh at my insanity my tumblr is [here](http://lockthedragon.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
